Who is your Tiger?!

happy belated christmas and new years and kawanza and chunicha and whatever satan and the scientoligist celebrate this time of year.
i hope everyone got what they wanted and if they didn't i hope they find what they got was what they wanted.
i hope you warm winter nights with the one you love.
special kisses from special people.
and love so deep it has to have come from something unreal!
a year that is better then the last, but not as good as many to come.
and true happiness in yourself.
those are my wishes to all of you!

i hate xbox live! i need your attention too you know. i only get limited time with you to begin with between my school schedual and your work schedual. its stupid, i know you need to time to unwind, but i still need attention from you too. i know girls don't come with a manual, but it really isn't that hard. 

argh, 6 mo and i am done with this place! i just want to be done with school!!!

i hate end of the semester stuff. lots of papers, lots of tests and lots of projects. i have 17 days and then i go on christmas break. this will be the last year i will ever have a christmas break like this since when i start nursing stuff it wont be anything like regular school! i guess i shoulr really enjoy my last senior year. so i'm going to try! the stanely cup is coming to norfolk, and according to ed "i have to be there!!!" so i'm going home a lot more then i did in the beginning of the semester, but thats okay cause in spring time its going to be tight for a while of when i can go home! but i'll be okay. i'm ready to be home, but i know once i'm there for good i'll be wishing to be at school and for the "good ol' days"

cause things change so fast. well lets see like shortly after the last blog what do i get? a message from daniel, he finally realized that he was an idiot and asked for another chance. i knew deep down if he ever did come back and apoligize that i would give it to him. i so i have and things have been great. he's apoligized he's groveled and i'm not going to punish him for the simple fact that he will punish himself worse then i ever could and i'm sure my being nice and understanding is eating him alive. it just reminds him of what a bad thing he did to a good person. i don't think i've ever been this happy and i'm really glad to have him back. we talked about everything and its all good now. the only sucky part is the fact that for the next 6 mo we will be in a long distance relationship since i have to go back up to school, but i can come home and stuff.
turkey day here was pretty good we had over 30 people and no left overs. i ate entirely too much and got sick. but i guess thats the way it goes on turkey day. i am upset however that there was no turkey left. but oh well. i hope every body had a great t-day and had great times with your family and friends!!!

so its been i could guess nearly two months since i've stopped by here. i am not really sure where i would/should begin. i'm doing my best to move on from daniel, and ever day i'm a little farther, but every now and then like now i just can't stop thinking about him. missing everything and wanting him back. trying to make sense of a senseless situation is useless but its like a car accident--you just can't look away. so thats where i stand, stuck in this sensation of limbo. about three weeks ago i did make the choice that i was ready to move on. and i am, even better i met someone. but it is a sticky situation, i met him one week before he went out to sea. and he is not like a normal navy guy, no i have to dig on a nuc who is under the water on a sub! which means no communication for 6 mo. unless by some chance when they pool into port he checks his email from some random computer. he didn't keep my hanging though, he told me that when he gets back i should call. i have a good feeling about this guy. and 6 mo is a long time for me to let my heart heal a little more. because even though i am ready to move on from daniel, i still can't escape his ghost. so thats my love life.
school is going okay, i'm ready for it to be over. but how is that any different then any other time? i can't believe i'll be graduating this year. its a little surreal right now and i know as the time gets closer it will become even more of this un real thing. nothing else is really going on other then that i guess. i hope every one else is doing well.

wow, this is one of the best things i've ever heard or seen. just had to share with those of you who aren't my myspace friends.

sarah-i kinda feel bad for the anti-christ, he is the only one who doesn't have a name in the bible.
me-well he does, his first name is anti, he is actually jesus christ twin brother. those two had a tough time growing up! let me tell you, everybody was always like jesus you walked on water. and jesus you turned water into wine. i mean with a brother like that how can you not destroy humanity.
everybody-uuuhhhmmm
helen-you are so weird.
me-its a good thing god has a sense of humor cause i totally just gave jesus a twin brother.
helen-yeah you just re-wrote reality.

stop me if you've heard this one before, "i will learn to love again, but you will always be a coward."
i'm trying to let go, little by little. its a hard, but i can do it. each day i find a little more peace in this, a little more acceptance in what has happened and the life god wants me to lead. i'm putting the pieces back together. there are some piece that i will never get back, but i know one day there will be someone who has pieces that fit ther or better yet that go in there and make my heart much bigger. either way i'm feeling stronger as the kanye west song plays over again in my head, that or the rascal flatts "stand"

my heart was broken, so i put it back together. right now there are pieces that are missing, but i'll find them or i'll find something better to put there. i was truely deeply madly in love with you. i will always love you, but i wont stop being because you stopped. if you read my letter i hope it hurts you, but i also hope you are able to get over that hurt. i'm going to get over it, i'm going to be able to move on. most importantly i wont forget. nor will i stop believing in true love and that one day i will have it again. this is me forgiving you. so i get back up and i keep living. stronger and at peace. 

daniel has pussied out. i'm not saying this because he dumped me, but because the way he dumped me. he fucking deletes me from myspace and ignores me! he didn't even tell me he was doing it, instead he deletes me and changes his relationship status. i am so angry and disgusted. i don't deserve this, i would have settled for a text message, but i don't even get that. i'm so fucking over it. fuck him, he doesn't deserve me and all my greatness. 

good thing i'm going to be a cheap date cause all i have is $8 and my bank account is about to go south, you know down into the red zone!!! i'm going to take myself to see super bad, i need a good laugh. right now there is no one on campus really i don't have anyone to go with. usually i don't have a problem doing things by myself, but as of late i have wanted to do things with people. oh well in a movie you don't talk to anybody anyways so i'll be cool. its a beautiful day here, so i'm greatful for that, made sure to thank g-d for that one. today marks the three year anniversary of me getting out of the hell hole and starting on the path to enlightenment that i am now on! so i'm kinda happy. i'm takig the small things and taking the time to be thankful for them as well. so cheers to me and cheers to everyone else!!!
have a fantastic saturday people

i'm so anxious that i'm making myself sick. i can't eat anything without feeling sick afterwards. this is awful. i want it to go away, but the only way to make it go away isn't an option right now. 

right now just sitting around the house. i'm going back up to school tomorrow night. i'm still tired, but i think thats cause i'm not sleeping right at the moment. i think i did very good, i logged onto my messenger and daniel was logged on. i stayed on for a few hours and didn't say anything to him, giving him his "space" even though my heart was pounding the entire time. he never said anything, but at this point i'm tired of being the one to always go first. i'm just getting frustrated! oh well.

so there was this possiblty of daniel moving back to tn, and he didn't tell me. i had to find out from other sources. and then when i tried to confront him about it he ignored me. i was so distraught that i had to leave the ra training at school and come home. being at home the last few days have helped me a lot though. i'm i'm feeling better and better emotionally, but my body is being really funny. i'm really tired and feeling nauses all the time. i think it is my body coping with all the stress. at first the whole moving to tn felt like a real possiblity, but now i don't think it is going to happen. i told him how i felt. that after all the things i've over come i had never broken, that he was the first person to to break me and make me wish i was dead. oh he called me childish--needless to say my family isn't really happy with him right now. i told him to do whatever he wants cause i can't. i've got a feeling he is going to realize in the next few days, maybe give it a week or two that he is being a total idiot. so right now i'm just going to do whatever. i'm not going back to the ra training. try and get some sleep so that when classes start i can be awake! 

okay so i finished all my packing. at least i think so but i've been going from room to room trying to remember if i forgot anything. tomorrow is going to be interesting. well he told me to stop being a drama queen, and it oddly made me feel better. i think in part because he was actually speaking up and he had actually like grown some balls. it always bothered me when he wouldn't speak up about weather he liked to do something or not. i think we are going to be okay. i mean we have to be okay. as the day has gone on i've gotten more and more postive. i wrote to him that i'd write every few days, but i think i can make it a whole week. i'll just have to find ways to put all that built up stuff. probably see me blogging more and more i guess. tomorrow is his birthday and i don't know how to tell him. i think i'll leave him a "birthday" thing on myspace and then text him happy birthday. i told him i'd still text him every night that i love him and good night. eventually i'll get one back. oh well i've got to shut the computer down so it can be packed up! off to school tomorrow.